So, here is my attempt to blog what I have learned this summer :


1. Forgiveness. I fully and 110% learned how to forgive someone this summer, definitely not through myself but with a whole lot of prayer, quiet times, advice, and a lot more prayer. I always thought this was an easier process when there would be a message about it. But, until I really had to forgive people, I didn't realize how hard it really is. I was called home this summer for this one purpose - to forgive. I guess you could say I'm the type of person that holds on to things until I can't hold grasp of it anymore. I would give it up to God, and then two days later I would take it right back, with ten times more of a mess that seemed to grow with it in those two days. After 6 months this got to be a big 'ole mess. It was something bigger than I was, and I didn't know how to handle it. Througout the summer God has placed different events, occasions, bible studies, quiet times, and people in my daily life to help with this process. I'm not saying I'm done with this process, because I don't believe I am, but I am stepping out of this summer with a bigger understanding that it is possible to forgive those who do you wrong. I never in my wildest imagination would have thought I'd have a crying heart for these people, but looking at their life now - my heart is broken for them. Like I blogged about before, I wanted the last laugh. I wanted the victory through it all. What a wrong and crappy way of thinking about other people? Through this forgiveness I now have the desire to pray for people who have done me wrong and that their lives could be restored and their storms to be over, too. However, I am so glad this little chapter of my life is finally coming to an end.



2. Sometimes the opportunity isn't the calling. This summer I had lots of opportunities to serve God in awesome places all over the world, and at times I wished I had taken those opportunities and put them to some pretty good use, the most important thing wasn't there though - the calling. I'm not saying I didn't have a calling, because I did. My calling was to come home. Weirrrrd. When I prayed about it during early spring semester I was kinda confused when I didn't feel the calling to serve all summer, because if you had asked me this time last year, "A big majority of your friends are going to be doing summer missions next summer, do you think you will?" I would have said yes without hesitating. I would have loved that. But, that wasn't God's plan for me. By March I just KNEW why I was supposed to come home. And while that reason played a huge role of my summer, it wasn't everything. I now realize that my heart was d.e.m.o.l.i.s.h.e.d. God has used what seemed like everything over the past year to break and rip my heart nearly to shreads, but the amazing thing is - he restored it into something better than before. Looking back, I didn't have the heart to serve people all summer (as selfish as it may sound). Instead, God placed people in my life to show me awesome little signs of hope here and there.



3. I am blessed + super blessed + totally blessed + a whole lot more blessed. Working this summer has made me put on my big girl panties and realize that I am blessed. Something I forget a little too often. I am blessed to have parents who love me. And I mean genuinely love me. A couple of weeks ago my eyes were opened to this. There was this precious little three year old girl that came through my line with her mom. About halfway through checking them out, the little girl starts asking her mom questions, "Mommy, who's alcohol is that? Are you going to drink that?" She was three. I'm pretty sure I didn't have a clue to what alcohol was whenever I was that age. Her mom grew very irritated with her and told her to shut up. I was absolutely floored. I don't understand why anyone would want to treat their children like that. My eyes were opened to more situations like this over the next weeks. Growing up, I never understood why my parents wanted to know what I was doing, who I was going with, and why they wouldn't let me go some places. Now, I realize its because they cared. They cared that I was okay, behaving, and not making stupid decisions.

4. Be nice to your cashier. haha. I didn't have many problems at all with this except for the mean grouchy old women. However, I'm going to throw this out there for all cashiers. If you get a shopping cart, take it with you from the register when you leave. Biggest pet peeve ever: when people leave their carts while your in the process of checking out 4 people in line. Also, don't complain when we ask if you want to donate something to a local school. Simply answer "no thanks" and go on with your business. thank you. :)


All in all, I've had a pretty good summer, but as you can tell - I'm so very ready to get back into the swing of school life. With all of my friends from ETSU! And actually, having a regular schedule of school and fun. This past weekend I went to Murfreesboro to spend the weekend with my two of my bffae's - Hannah and Anna. It was good to get caught up with these two and hear more about their summers. We also have a new roommate - and I am thrilled that it worked out that Chelsea Leonard could live with us. However, please be in prayer than we remain friends throughout the year. haha (as I'm 100% sure we will)! 4 best friends living together could have the potential be like The Real Housewives of ETSU on some occasions. :)

My life has been ultra boring to the max times 23108. What does that equal? A whole lot of boring. I haven't really done much over the past two weeks - I went to the lake a couple of days, but had to leave both days to go to work. :( and my two adorable nephews were at my house for a few days.

Although I may have done nothing over the past couple of weeks, I do have an eventful month ahead of me! Tomorrow I am going to have lunch with my favorite Chelsea Leonard in the whole wide world. Even though I just saw her two LONG weeks ago, I am so thrilled to see her again and get caught up with each others lives over the past ten weeks (or what we didn't get caught up on last time, anyways). Also, on Friday we are planning on taking a lake day with Allison Williams. Sadly, we have to end the day a little short so I can go to work, but I'll take what I can get. I miss these ladies and everyone else from school. So, it's always good to see people my own age, since I don't see many from home.

In just 10 (hopefully short) days I will be reunited with Hannah and Anna again, and I am SOO excited to hear about how God has used Hannah this summer during her missions, but also to get a lot of good laughs out of her! :) We have lots of planning to do for our apartment before we move in on August 25th, so maybe over our weekend we can do a little shopping! Me and Anna almost went crazy in Knoxville, we picked out the most tacky stuff (but we were in such an excited mood that we almost bought it! Praise the Lord we didn't)!

Speaking of planning, it's almost time to go back to school - where I have lots of planning to do for the BCM this year. Me and Stephen Hotz are in charge of New Students, and I'm so thrilled to have this position on leadership. It actually wasn't my first option for leadership, but God has had a mighty way of laying it out perfectly. I was thinking just the other day, this time last year I was getting extremely nervous about going away to Johnson City. And honestly, I think the BCM had a prettttty major part of making my adjustment so wonderful. Now, a year later - I can't wait to go back to school (never would have thought that on move in day). But anyways, we are planning on doing lots of fun stuff this year with our new students. At the top of our list is a New Student Retreat. They had one last year for us, and it was an awesome way to get to know all the other new students as well as older people from the BCM. We are also planning lots of smaller things for the New student's - like a bible study geared towards New Students, scavenger hunt, game nights, and cookouts. :) Please be in prayer for us as we start this planning, and pray that the new students would feel welcome at the BCM! Also, please pray for all other leadership teams as they plan their events for the year that we would reach the campus in awesome ways!

This summer has been awesome, but I am so ready to get back into the swing of things, and to be around people my own age. I got my new bedspread last week, so that gave me the fever even more. So, until then - I guess I'll just work work work! :)

Please be in prayer for all my friends doing missions and camps (kamps) this summer, and that they would have safe travels home. The summer is coming to an end for lots of them, so pray that God provides them with the right emotions for the right time!
Much love!

Is there really a purpose?

So, I have been super busy. So busy that it's almost to the point of overwhelming. I've worked 30+ hours two weeks in a row, which is completely awesome because I'll have spending money for whenever I go back to school, but it got to the point for a couple of days that I felt like all I did was work and then come home and go straight to bed.

I am officially "Johnson City sick" and can't wait to go back. Sadly enough, I still have six more weeks to go. BUT--I did get to have lunch with Josh Thompson and his Tennessee Travel Team. A much needed lunch, that actually boosted my spirits. Tomorrow, I am getting up bright and early for a reunion day with Anna Mayfield and Chelsea Leonard in Knoxville, and then heading to work.

Once again, I got super down about myself this week for not doing summer missions. But once again, God put me right back into my place by putting constant reminders in my daily life to make me realize that I am home for a reason. Tuesday night I went to the weekly bible study at the BCM which really really really helped me to open my eyes and put on my big girl panties and deal with being home. We have been going over the sermon on the mount and this week we finished up chapter five. Wow. I read it in my NIV bible at bible study, but actually just looked it up in The Message translation - and I like it so, I'll share it here.
"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously. "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. "In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you."

What hit me the most is the verse that says "When someone gives you a hard time, respond with energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves." For the first time last week I had the desire to pray for those who did me wrong, and the things going on in their life. Which I feel like is some major progress. Also, over the past year I felt like I was the laugh of a lot of situations, and as crappy as it may sound I wanted the laugh to be turned around on the people who had affected my life so drastically. I felt really extremely convicted whenever I read this because I was doing the whole 'eye for an eye' mess. But really, I just needed to stand there and take it all in, have a Christ-like mind about it. So, even though it may be delayed - I have given those people "my best coat".

Tonight at church we sang Hosanna, and there is one part of the song that I've said over and over and never really comprehended what it meant, until tonight. It says, "Heal my heart and make it clean; open up my eyes to the things unseen." and God has been doing that very much over the past week. On Monday morning, I was beginning to really regret lots of opportunities I had turned down for what I thought was what God was telling me. I was second guessing myself and God for the final decision to come home for the whole summer, but he has wrapped it all up pretty amazingly. I honestly believe that this summer God has mended my heart, but prepared it as well. Mended it from my past year, and prepared it for my next year (and summer as well). I'm very anxious to see what God opens up for me through it all, as I'm sure it will be something pretty awesome (but, isn't anything God has part in?)

The first blog.

I feel like this should be some epic explanation of my life or something like that, but I can assure you it's not anything worth reading. However, I do like to journal about things going on in my life, so I guess this may be like an e-journal or something amazing like that.

My life is definitely not anything worth bragging on, but I do feel like over the past few months that I have made a complete transition from where I was and where I am now. I actually got my blog name, "Unpredictable" from a Francesca Battistelli song that I just absolutely love. In the chorus it says, "When I know that I know what you have down the road, when I'm sure that I've figured you out - help me see that I'm small, that I can't know it all, because you're so unpredictable." When I first started looking at colleges I prayed for God to show me the right place for me. And at the time, I didn't really understand why Tech didn't offer that amazing vibe that I thought it should, and now that this first year of college is over I now completely understand that God had a plan for my year that I haven't been able to fully comprehend, and truthfully probably never will be able to. Everything at ETSU seemed to lay out perfectly for my future, and I wasn't even really sure of what God had in store for me. Once it got closer to time for me to move away I grew very nervous, and probably would have changed my mind about schools on move in day. I was a nervous wreck, and feared very much that I would be homesick. Thankfully, I adjusted very well at my new home.

Once fall break finally rolled around, I was SO excited to go home and see all my friends/church family/family that I missed terribly. But, I would soon find out that life as I knew it would shatter quicker than a blink of an eye. A majority of the friendships I had worked on for the last 3 years of my life would be destroyed. A group of people that I considered to be my major support group, were no longer the people I could go to for help, motivation, and prayer. God showed me a whole lot through this time, and I soon realized that I had built a lot of these friendships on sand, and these friendships needed to be torn down for a long time. Now that this chapter in my life is over I realize I probably wouldn't have realized it for a long time if he hadn't used such a faith shattering experience to demolish these people from my life.

While my heart was fully broken, and a major trust factor was broken in my life of people all around me. God provided me with the right emotions at all the right times. He used this to show me tons of things I was doing wrong in my life, and at the top was the fact that I put my trust in people WAY more than I should. And more importantly, didn't put my trust in him at all.

So, while most of my friends from school are in awesome places for the summer I am here in Monterey, TN. I may not fully understand what God's plan is for my summer, but I do know it will be revealed - and slowly it is. I don't know why God didn't give me the heart to serve in awesome places all over the world this summer. Honestly, I had a hard time understanding that a few weeks ago. All I wanted to do was sulk in my own pool of pity, and wanted to be out doing awesome missions around the world. God put me in my place, very fast. I keep reminding myself that I prayed very hard about it, and I know God is doing awesome things in me this summer - even in Monterey. The other day in my quiet time God showed me Psalm 37:6. "He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." So, while I may not know what the plan is, it will shine like the beautiful sun someday.

So, now that that is behind me. I will tell you all what I've done thus far in my summer. Lots of lake, friends, and church time. :) I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way this summer. My favorite week of the whole year has already come and passed. VBS! :) I do believe I have some odd obsession with Vacation Bible School. I was a teacher for the 4th grade class, and those kids will keep you busy. Sadly, I had to miss two nights because of my awesome job at Food Lion (thanks to Jeremy Flatt). But - I still had a very humbling week at Saddle Ridge Ranch. We had 6 kids come to know Jesus this week, which makes me a very happy lady. Also, 3 kids who got saved last year made the decision to get baptized within the next couple of weeks, I couldn't be more thrilled.

About the lake. We have had lots of fun memories so far and it's only June 27th (WOW, it's almost July, WEIRD!) However, so much lake time does result in no family beach trip this summer - which makes me extremely sad, but I've had fun doing the whole lake business again. A couple of weeks ago some of my friends (Amber and Jessica) came with me, and we had a blast. Jessica was kinda iffy about the whole tubing thing at first, and actually didn't even want to at the beginning of the day. By the end of the day, she was having more fun than anyone on the whole lake. :) Can't wait to go back with the two of them. Unfortunately, it won't be 'til August. Amber is working Kanakuk this summer in Missouri for 6 weeks, and I can't wait to hear what God does through her this summer.

So, I guess that completes my first blog (or story book). If you made it this far without falling asleep - thank you.